When a friend or family member develops a mental health condition or mental illness, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Family members, friends, and caregivers often play a large role in helping and supporting the millions of people in the U.S. who experience mental illness each year.
You may be trying to help a family member who doesn’t have access to care or doesn’t want help. Or you may want to learn how to support and encourage someone who has been hospitalized or experienced a similar mental health crisis.
When someone has a mental illness, support from loved ones can make a big difference. However, it may be hard for us as family members or friends to know what approach is best. It’s particularly difficult to balance showing support with caring for our own health and encouraging others to be responsible for their actions.
If you have questions, concerns, or are struggling to know what you can do next to support your loved one – first know that you are not alone.
We realize that the challenges of mental illness do not only affect an individual’s family members but also friends, teachers, neighbors, coworkers and others in the community. Here we use the terms family member and caregiver interchangeably to refer to someone giving emotional, financial, or practical support to a person with a mental health condition. Whether you’re providing a lot of assistance or very little, the information here can help you better understand the issues that you might face.
Read below for a few tips on how to support your loved one in their healing journey.
Learn what you can about your loved one’s mental health condition.
Every mental illness is different, and so is every person who experiences one. Learn about your loved one’s condition, warning signs, symptoms, and treatment options. Ask questions, listen closely, and try to understand their concerns. The more you know, the better you can support them, and yourself.
NAMI California’s local affiliates offer free programs for family and friends, including:
- Family-to-Family Classes
A free, 12-session education program for families, partners, and friends of adults with mental health conditions. The course includes information about conditions such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depression, and is designed to help you support your loved one while maintaining your own well-being.
Also available in Spanish: NAMI De Familia a Familia
- Family Support Groups
A free, peer-led support group for any adult with a loved one experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition. Gain insight from others facing similar experiences in a nonjudgmental space. Groups meet weekly, biweekly, or monthly, depending on location.
Also available in Spanish: Grupo de Apoyo para Familiares
- Family Basics Class
A free education program for parents and caregivers of children and adolescents (22 and younger) with mental health concerns. This class provides tools, coping strategies, and connection to others in similar roles.
Also available in Spanish: NAMI Bases y Fundamentos
Accept that an illness is influencing your family member’s behavior.
It can be hard to separate a person from their symptoms. But remember that mental illness is not a choice. Be mindful not to blame your loved one, or yourself. Offer encouragement and compassion, even when it’s difficult.
Take care of yourself.
Supporting someone else, especially when they are a close loved one requiring consistent care and support, can be emotionally and physically draining.
During an airplane emergency, people are always asked to put on their own oxygen mask, before helping someone else with theirs. Make time for your own mental health, whether that’s joining a support group, taking meaningful breaks, or talking to someone you trust. You can’t pour from an empty cup
Encourage your family member to follow the treatment plan.
Support where you can to encourage your loved one to follow their care team’s treatment plan. This might mean offering transportation to therapy sessions or providing reminders to take medications as prescribed. Because daily prodding about medication can easily insult or anger an adult, handle this carefully. Talk to your family member about his or her preferences. Try to set up a simple system to reassure you that treatment is continuing as planned, without overwhelming your loved one.
Strive for an atmosphere of cooperation within the family.
Cooperation means not just offering support, but also communicating with everyone in the family to ensure everyone is on the same page and distributing responsibility equally. Don’t try to “spare” family members from stress by leaving the caretaking to one individual. Assign everyone in the household roles to play according to their abilities. Include your family member with the illness as well, making his or her responsibilities to the family clear. Caring for someone living with a mental illness is comparable to caring for someone with a physical illness – it is a group effort.
Listen carefully.
Simply listening is one of the best ways to show your support. If your family member says hurtful things, it helps to listen for the emotion behind the words rather than focusing on the words themselves. Try to recognize and acknowledge the pain, anxiety, or confusion and pinpoint where their response is coming from, rather than getting into unnecessary arguments.
Resume “normal” activities and routines.
Don’t let life revolve around your family member’s mental illness. Weave treatment and support into your family’s regular routine. Spend time together and participate in activities disconnected from but not harmful to your loved one’s mental illness, such as watching a movie, eating dinner out, or visiting a favorite park. Practice living life along with a mental illness, rather than struggling against it.
Don’t push too hard.
At the same time, remember that it takes time to heal from an acute episode or consistent symptoms. Allow your family member to rest. Offer them opportunities to ease back into routine activities rather than requiring participation immediately after. A gentle approach encourages recuperation.
Find support.
Outside support and encouragement is critical for everyone in the family, not only the person living with the mental illness. Whatever your role in the family, stress is easier to handle when you regularly talk to people who understand your experience. Peer-led support groups are available for people living with mental illnesses and also for their family members. Find your local NAMI for support groups, materials, warm lines and other services.
Practice good communication.
Listening is one of the most powerful ways to show you care. Let your loved one know you’re available without pressuring them. When possible, avoid arguments and instead try to validate their feelings: “I’m here for you,” or “That sounds really difficult.”
Be prepared for a crisis.
Prepare a crisis plan that includes important phone numbers such as the local crisis intervention team. Include your family member in the planning process. Make everyone in the family aware of what they should do in case of an emergency. Learn more about navigating a mental health crisis.
Remember support is not control.
We can support and encourage our family members. We can’t, however, make treatment decisions for them. We should offer suggestions and input, but be ready to accept and support their decisions.
They may not choose the treatment options that we would prefer, but by acknowledging their right to decide, we create a respectful, healing environment within the family. We improve their immediate quality of life by treating them with dignity. We’re also encouraging them to commit to their chosen course of action.
The reality is that we can only control our own actions. We have to learn to give the people around us responsibility for decisions that only they can make. It’s ultimately up to them to decide on their goals and strategies. You can encourage your family members, but you must let go of the feeling that you must solve their problems for them.
Don’t give up.
A person with a mental illness benefits enormously from having social support. Remind your family member that you’re there to help and you’re not giving up. When setbacks occur with one treatment strategy, look for alternative strategies. Try something new, and encourage your family member not to give up. A good life is possible.
Find more resources from NAMI National.